I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
