I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
