Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
