Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
