we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
honey bunches of taint.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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