Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
