oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
