I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
