You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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