if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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