i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
