wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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