so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
