Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
