If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
