Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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