I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
