i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she looked like the before picture.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
