we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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