"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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