I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
