I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
