well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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