Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
