i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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