just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
