she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
