I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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