i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
