So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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