Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize