too bad you live with your parents still
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
