so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
