yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
