im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
a search helicopter?!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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