then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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