I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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