I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This house was built for laser tag.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
