respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
