It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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