I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
