So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
