yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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