You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
