Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
