just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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