Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
