Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
