so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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