I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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