3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
