I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
