Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
