Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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