no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
