By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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