I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
