I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
