I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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