I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
