shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
do herpes really smell.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You are a genius and a whore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
