Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
