she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
