I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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