One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize