ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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