I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
