Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize