its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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