We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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