ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
