I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize