That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
