I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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