Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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