That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
