I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
