Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
