Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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