wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
