If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
