You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
