Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish i was in the wii world.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
