All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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