What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
