I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
