Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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