get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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