You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had to cum in my sink.
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