Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
