New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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