Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize