Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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