Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
